Teachings of Tinder

I've been a bachelor for most of my life.  Mostly by choice, sometimes not.  I have bore witness to every sort of tech attempt to capture dating, relationships, and sex for nearly two decades, from chat rooms, AIM, MySpace messaging, Craigslist, Hot or Not, dating sites, Facebook stalking, to now the advent of Tinder.



Tinder is amazing.  Now granted, Tinder is sort of the hetero version of Grinder and Grinder came first. When I first heard of what Grinder was and how it worked, I asked what I assume all my hetero brethren also asked:  "Where is OUR app for something like this!?"  An app that allows you to pinpoint your location and see people who are essentially DTF nearby?  What single person wouldn't want that? Hookup culture has evolved.  Slut shaming still happens to our fairer sex (unfairly) but girls who like to hook up and are somewhat open about it at least aren't stoned to death anymore.  Also, the "myth" that girls do not care for no-strings attached pleasure has repeatedly been disproven.  Hence, Tinder was born and has blossomed into a full born burning blaze (see what I did there?), arguably the #1 hook up / dating app currently out there.

So what is it about Tinder?  Why is it so popular?  Here's a few things I've learned about Tinder:


  • Women approve of it.  This is arguably the biggest reason.  Women love Tinder.  Why? Because they wield a whole lot of power.  Unlike most dating sites, women do not have to put up with getting messages from dudes they have no interest in.  They can define an age range so they don't have to worry about being 21 and getting weird messages from 55 year olds.  They don't have to deal with getting a bunch of messages from guys they would never talk to in the first place because the only way you communicate on Tinder is if you both have swiped right to "like" each other.  This is huge.  They still get a ton of messages but at least they're from guys they at least were superficially attracted to initially.  
  • Rejection doesn't feel like rejection.  On other dating sites, maybe you send a message and then never hear back.  That feels like being rejected.  On Tinder, you're swiping left and right so much you don't even remember who is who and if you don't match with a particular person, you probably don't even notice anyways.  Even though by NOT matching, you're technically getting rejected in a way, it doesn't FEEL that way.  
  • Your bio doesn't matter.  At least, men don't really care.  I don't know if this is true for women, but I assume it is.  The bios aren't really all that important until a match is made; then you determine if you might actually want to converse or interact with this person.  Tinder is essentially Hot or Not in app mode and most of the fun is the swiping.  Who has time to read when there's pictures to look at and judge???
  • Profile photos can be sneaky deceptive.  If the profile photo is of two people, you can take it to the bank that the person who owns the profile is the less attractive one.  
  • Women's appearances change on a whim.  Seriously, I never knew women were like chameleons.  On Tinder, you have a max of 6 photos.  It's amazing how different women can look in each and every photo.  Oh, you're a blonde here.  Now you're a brunette.  You are wearing a push up bra here apparently.  And here's you with no makeup.  And... HOW ARE YOU THE SAME PERSON!??  THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!
  • Height is apparently very important.  I guess there's an epidemic of short guys because a lot of girls feel it is absolutely necessary to list their height if they're 5'6" or taller.  
  • Everyone loves babies, as long as they're not your own.  Girls love to post photos of themselves with babies and/or children.  However, they also feel the need to clarify that the baby/child is not their own progeny by correctly assuming a baby/child is essentially kryptonite to men.  
  • Exotic locales and animals are mandatory.  Almost every person has a photo of them in some sort of exotic location or petting some sort of exotic creature.  I am guilty of this since I have a photo of me with a koala as well as one of me floating in a hot air balloon in Cappadocia.  I have them for the same reason as everyone else does - it looks cool because it proves we do, in fact, love to travel.  Which, by the way, also is noted in everyone's bio.
  • Selfies are cool unless you're a guy.  Women love their own selfie photos.  But they apparently hate guy selfies.  And even moreso, the guy shirtless selfie.  They're sure to mention they'll swipe LEFT for any guy that has the gall to steal their thunder and selfie.
  • Guys are getting scandalous.  Guys are usually aggressive when it comes to being upfront about the things they want.  However, girls were always the sexy ones.  They would send the risqué photos or texts to guys showing their ability to be wild.  Scantily clad, topless, fully naked. Girls like selfies and they love feeling sexy.  How many famous celebrity actresses have had their nude selfie photos leaked?  A bunch.  Women ARE sexy.  Know what isn't sexy?  Penises.  Yet guys have become more and more liberal with their man meat, creating a brand new wave of sexting - the dick pic.  I can't really imagine a woman receiving a dick pic and thinking "that thing looks pretty and sexy.  I can't wait to get home."  I mean, maybe that happens.  I don't know.  I just can't imagine that being the case and from polling a good number of my female companions, I feel like I'm relatively spot on.  Yet dick pics have become a thing.  They're sent, unsolicited many times, to girls.  This is weird because maybe it'd be more understandable if there was some reciprocal trade off.  I'll send you a dick pic if you send me a nude selfie.  But no, from my understanding (since I haven't dick pic'd yet), sending the DP comes first.  Most of the time unreciprocated.  Do guys think this is going to motivate the girl to "like" him?  I'm not sure. Maybe it works but from the research I've gathered, women either find it entertaining or gross. Definitely not sexy.    When did guys start doing the seducing with images of their nether regions?  
  • Guys are still pretty upfront.  We still state our intentions pretty clearly.  A fellow blogger friend of mine, let's call her Tinderexia, blogs her funny Tinder interactions.  Granted, she herself is prodding the guys.  But nonetheless, guys try to get to the point pretty quickly.  Also, some guys openers or pick up lines are pretty funny in a bad way.  Feel free to check out her blog HERE for some examples of some funny Tinder exchanges.  
  • Tinder's CEO is named Sean Rad.  I mean, his last name is Rad.  How could Tinder NOT be successful??  

It's hard to say how long Tinder will be trendy.  Grouper was a thing for like 2 seconds but it didn't really last (or maybe that's just me, since I can't find 2 other single guys to wing me).  Right now, there isn't an app out there that rivals Tinder.  Some other apps are trying to copy it but they feel like knockoffs.  For now, Tinder is white hot.  I haven't really heard of a success story where Tinder actually led to a relationship but then again, that's not really Tinder's point, is it?  Tinder's point is to make an introduction.  It doesn't pretend to be a relationship app.  It owns up to what it is:  A fun, addicting, Hot or Not hook up app that really doesn't hurt anyone... unless you're a girl who gets unwanted dick pics.

My name is Macster and I swiped right to this message.


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