You can't spell February without an F-U.

Oh February. You're here. Every year I can count on the calendar to flip to February and make me realize all over again how much I hate February. I think Caesar knew how much February sucked too, hence why it's the shortest month. Really, there is only one thing that keeps February from being a complete waste and it's a relatively recent development. The Superbowl. Aside from the Superbowl (shout out to the Saints, thank you for exposing Manning yet again!), is there really anything to like about February? Let me clarify, February sucks if you're a man. If you're a woman, I can only imagine February is like the dawning of the age of Aquarius. For men, sporting as we know it dies. The Superbowl ends and we're left with no football. That's depressing. Baseball players return for Spring Training, but we don't have games to watch. That makes us anxious. Instead, we're stuck with regular season NBA and NHL games which, while sports, are about as appealing to watch as Sandra Oh heavy episodes of Grey's Anatomy. In other words, not appealing at all. No one really ever spelled out to me what NBA and NHL actually stand for, but I'm just going to go ahead and assume they mean Never Been Accepted and No Hockey Love. February is a sporting graveyard. We wait with baited breath for March Madness and real baseball but they seem so far away. Nowhere close to the purgatory we're stuck in that is February. In a lot of ways, it's not coincidence February is 28 days. It's like we're going away to rehab. We have to face real life without the escape of sport. In other words, the withdrawals are lethal.

We also have to deal with whether or not a groundhog tells us if it's going to be spring or if winter is going to go on longer. It's always safe to judge your seasons based on a glorified rodent.

Then there's Valentine's Day. As a single male, I don't have much angst towards Valentine's Day. It's another day on the calendar. My parents shower me with love. I generally wear red and ask people if they feel the love in the air. In other words, I'm not like all the bitter singles that run and hide from V-day or pretend it doesn't exist, I embrace it. What kind of curmudgeon would I be to spit in the face of all those happy couples? If I had a partner in crime, I'd undoubtedly shower her with chocolate and roses and sexy lingerie. That is, as long as she was accepting of such things. There has been a new trend among some women the past decade or so to despise Valentine's Day as a Hallmark Holiday. Usually it's from the single contingent but not always. We've all heard the usual complaints. "My man doesn't need a Holiday to treat me like a princess!" And even though a surprising amount of girls claim to hate V-Day, I've never heard a woman rant or complain about spending a nice weekend or night out full of romance and gifts on that day. I've never heard "Mark is such a douchebag. He actually wanted to take me out on Valentine's Day. Doesn't he know I don't celebrate it!?" But what do guys get out of Valentine's Day? Well, we get satisfaction at making that female in our life happy. But it's a chick holiday. And not so coincidentally, it's also in February.

No (fun) sports and a holiday geared specifically for women. What else could February throw at us? There is nothing in February catered to men except the recent addition of the Superbowl. But I guess we brutes can't complain too much. Women have to put up with many more man months than we have to deal with woman months. I guess we just have to thank the stars that February is the shortest month in the calendar year which one could argue further proves the fact that the Supreme Being, the Ultimate Architect, is inherently not female. Or at the very least likes sports.

Speaking of the calendar, I remember as a kid when seasons were easily depicted. So easily pigeonholed.

Fall = the beginning of the school year (boo). Halloween (yay). Thanksgiving (yawn).

Winter = Christmas (Christmas Break! Sweet!)

Spring = Easter (Spring Break! Awesome)

Summer = End of school year (Summer break for 3 months! Fantastical!!)

Now, as I approach the daunting 3-0, the seasons don't mean so much. They're still relatively pigeonholed. It's just a little different. And much more streamlined.

Fall = Wedding Season

Winter = Wedding Season and Christmas (money sinkhole)

Spring = Bachelor Party Season

Summer = Wedding Season

There are no breaks. There might be a vacation but never a true break. Leaves change color, the temperature shifts from warm to cold, back to warm. However, every year, you hear the sound of baseballs hitting gloves, you realize there's legitimate college basketball on television, and the boxes of hearts and roses are missing from the supermarket. It's no longer February!! March. Spring. Your life blossoms like the budding flowers outside. The real season has finally changed. It's back to normal months with normal amounts of days and most importantly, we're awaken from our winter slumber by sunshine and baseball and a day dedicated to getting hammered in honor of an Irish saint. Man months have returned. And they're here to stay until next year! February has been vanquished. And although you're a year older, you've made it. Farewell February, see you begrudgingly again next time...

My name is Macster and I love this message.