Friends with Benefits
I just got back from seeing Friends with Benefits and it made me think about the topic of friends with benefits. If you're looking for a review of the JT and Mila flick, I can sum it up easily: It was marketed as a rom-com that promised to be different yet in the end wound up like all the rest. SPOILER ALERT: They fall in love! Didn't make it any less entertaining but I still have to contend that the Vince Vaughn/Jen Aniston not-so-good movie "The Break Up" and my favorite chick flick "500 Days of Summer" still have the most realistic endings.
But Friends with Benefits sort of aids my theory that opposite sex friends can't really keep it platonic. I'm not going to launch back into that discussion, but if you want my thoughts on opposite sex friendships you can check it out in this entry:
http://macsteruncensored.blogspot.com/2010/06/why-cant-we-be-friends-because-youre.html
My main argument about opposite sex friendships is that there is always a longing for something more on one person's part. Friends with benefits is the next stage, the next step to an opposite sex friendship that successfully takes it to the next level. But it also asks a similar question, "Can casual sex with a person stay unemotional?" There's a big difference in wanting to have sex with a friend to actually having sex with a friend. Once you take it to that level, can things continue without it being escalated to a relationship and/or without someone getting hurt? It's a much harder question to answer than the opposite sex friendship riddle.
We all know the expression "sex complicates things" and it's mostly true. One night stands usually occur with strangers. Sometimes they evolve to booty calls. And sometimes they even lead to relationships. But sex with a friend? It's usually not a one time thing. Once that line is crossed, it's hard to uncross it. There's a new expectation when you hang out. One or both people will wonder "is this going to end with us having sex?" The likely answer is probably.
There's also a more remorseful feeling after sex with a friend, a tinge of guilt or some sort of feeling that you need to apologize to the other for it happening in the first place. A stranger can slink out the door in the morning or can be ignored without much effort. A friend? There will be conversations about what happened.
If the sex was completely unemotional and friends just had fun for a night, can it stay that way? With most friends, it can't. Chances are a fling with a friend will become a regular occurrence despite the assertion that "it'll never happen again" or that it was a one time thing. And the more frequent it becomes, the less it becomes friendship fun and becomes something more. Like with opposite sex friendships where there is palpable sexual tension on someone's part, friends with benefits usually can't keep emotions out of it. One party may be 100% committed to just having fun, but almost undoubtedly the other party will develop stronger feelings. It's only natural though if you think about it. Friends are friends because they like the same things and are attracted to an aspect of somebody's personality and interests. You throw in sexual attraction and the consummation of said sexual attraction and it's hard to keep emotions checked at the door.
But it can be done. Some friends use each other for sex until they find what they're looking for. Sometimes no one gets hurt and everybody wins. There's other times when a friend may think it's developing into something more and then is hurt when the other friend actually goes on dates or finds a Sig-O. And then there's the many occurrences where friends hook up. realize they're great for each other, and wind up dating. Like in Friends with Benefits!!
But is there a way to have a friends with benefits relationship without getting hurt or hurting someone? I've been on both sides where I've wanted more from the friend and they've hit the brakes or they've wanted more and I've had to throw up the stop sign. In the end, a friends with benefits pairing is best treated like a partner in a relationship. Be honest, be upfront, and be truthful with yourself. A real friend won't lie to you just for sex. If you're either the one feeling some emotions stir or you think emotions are starting to develop, talk about it. You're friends after all. Unlike with breakups, friends with benefits can usually survive as friends afterwards. Sure, there may be the occasional sexual tension and there may be the occasional slip up, but in the end, friends with benefits usually aren't catastrophic to a friendship. In fact, in many ways, if the friendship does survive, it becomes stronger.
But in reality, it's hard to answer definitively if friends with benefits can be 100% unemotional. Everyone is different. Some people just like sex and sometimes they're friends and sometimes they find each other. But I'd have to think that the majority of friends with benefits hook ups usually end with some sort of emotional attachment by one or both parties. Which goes back to my original theory that guys and gals really can't be platonic friends and once you breach that line, the true emotions really come out. But that's why they say "sex complicates things" after all. Because it does. Especially if you're friends.
I'm Macster and I Benefitted from this Message
But Friends with Benefits sort of aids my theory that opposite sex friends can't really keep it platonic. I'm not going to launch back into that discussion, but if you want my thoughts on opposite sex friendships you can check it out in this entry:
http://macsteruncensored.blogspot.com/2010/06/why-cant-we-be-friends-because-youre.html
My main argument about opposite sex friendships is that there is always a longing for something more on one person's part. Friends with benefits is the next stage, the next step to an opposite sex friendship that successfully takes it to the next level. But it also asks a similar question, "Can casual sex with a person stay unemotional?" There's a big difference in wanting to have sex with a friend to actually having sex with a friend. Once you take it to that level, can things continue without it being escalated to a relationship and/or without someone getting hurt? It's a much harder question to answer than the opposite sex friendship riddle.
We all know the expression "sex complicates things" and it's mostly true. One night stands usually occur with strangers. Sometimes they evolve to booty calls. And sometimes they even lead to relationships. But sex with a friend? It's usually not a one time thing. Once that line is crossed, it's hard to uncross it. There's a new expectation when you hang out. One or both people will wonder "is this going to end with us having sex?" The likely answer is probably.
There's also a more remorseful feeling after sex with a friend, a tinge of guilt or some sort of feeling that you need to apologize to the other for it happening in the first place. A stranger can slink out the door in the morning or can be ignored without much effort. A friend? There will be conversations about what happened.
If the sex was completely unemotional and friends just had fun for a night, can it stay that way? With most friends, it can't. Chances are a fling with a friend will become a regular occurrence despite the assertion that "it'll never happen again" or that it was a one time thing. And the more frequent it becomes, the less it becomes friendship fun and becomes something more. Like with opposite sex friendships where there is palpable sexual tension on someone's part, friends with benefits usually can't keep emotions out of it. One party may be 100% committed to just having fun, but almost undoubtedly the other party will develop stronger feelings. It's only natural though if you think about it. Friends are friends because they like the same things and are attracted to an aspect of somebody's personality and interests. You throw in sexual attraction and the consummation of said sexual attraction and it's hard to keep emotions checked at the door.
But it can be done. Some friends use each other for sex until they find what they're looking for. Sometimes no one gets hurt and everybody wins. There's other times when a friend may think it's developing into something more and then is hurt when the other friend actually goes on dates or finds a Sig-O. And then there's the many occurrences where friends hook up. realize they're great for each other, and wind up dating. Like in Friends with Benefits!!
But is there a way to have a friends with benefits relationship without getting hurt or hurting someone? I've been on both sides where I've wanted more from the friend and they've hit the brakes or they've wanted more and I've had to throw up the stop sign. In the end, a friends with benefits pairing is best treated like a partner in a relationship. Be honest, be upfront, and be truthful with yourself. A real friend won't lie to you just for sex. If you're either the one feeling some emotions stir or you think emotions are starting to develop, talk about it. You're friends after all. Unlike with breakups, friends with benefits can usually survive as friends afterwards. Sure, there may be the occasional sexual tension and there may be the occasional slip up, but in the end, friends with benefits usually aren't catastrophic to a friendship. In fact, in many ways, if the friendship does survive, it becomes stronger.
But in reality, it's hard to answer definitively if friends with benefits can be 100% unemotional. Everyone is different. Some people just like sex and sometimes they're friends and sometimes they find each other. But I'd have to think that the majority of friends with benefits hook ups usually end with some sort of emotional attachment by one or both parties. Which goes back to my original theory that guys and gals really can't be platonic friends and once you breach that line, the true emotions really come out. But that's why they say "sex complicates things" after all. Because it does. Especially if you're friends.
I'm Macster and I Benefitted from this Message
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